Breaking your Mind

So I've got an essay to write. I don't like writing essays, I find having to sit down and try to find the inside, in depth story behind something and then try to relate it to something else boring. I much prefer trying to come up with new ideas and stories myself that might have fuck all meaning behind them, I just like them. I find sometimes that people look into things far too much, I mean what if somebody just made something a particular way because they thought it was cool? Has academia gotten out of hand? Don't these people have better things to do then sit around and think about how the way the camera moves or certain lines of dialog can mean so much more then they do?

Now I may be writing this as I just annoyed at not understanding half of the text that I am supposed to use to help with my essay. This may be true. It may also be true that I am wasting time writing this when I should be writing my essay, but I've found I have hit a wall and that if I just write what I am thinking and talking a bunch of nonsense then maybe I might be able to clear the fog from my brain and get back into the essay zone.

For anybody out there reading this I'd like to apologise for wasting your time and making what is one of my worst blogs to date. So much so that I am not even going to post this one on facebook to try to get people to read it.

I'll do better later

Living For The City

I enjoy living in London. It's nice to have almost everything you need so close. You need some food, 5 minutes away. Tins of paint, 5 minutes away. Drugs, 5 minutes away. I kid with that last one. It's much closer then that.

So London seems to have it all. Not that I don't like my home town. It's ok, I mean I'm used to it and what's there but once you go back you see what little it really has to offer. The problem with London is just that. It's London! Because of that if you want to live somewhere nice you pay through your teeth for it. Don't want the worry of getting stabbed? Better pay an extra £100 a month. Also everybody else has the same idea that you do. "I'll move to London, get a great job and be sorted" so now you've got extra competition for that crappy weekend shop job.

I shouldn't even be writing this, I've got so much work to get on with do I can finish my degree and get that part time job before any of you other suckers!

Ghost of Corporate Future

Today I had a long hard think about my future. It so happens that it one of my university lessons we talked about how to get into the industry of being a script writer and this may or may not have made me begin this thought process. 

I began to realise that I do not have that much to show of my work. I Need to focus. Write my ideas down and just bloody elaborate and finish them! I always seem to have many different ideas floating around, most are probably shit, but I have no idea unless I try to do something with them. Even if I just write a treatment. I mean I'm not going to get anywhere by just saying to people "Oh yeah, well I've got this idea, blah blah blah" Who want's to listen to that?

I find that the more I think about my future the dimer it becomes. Do I really think I have something that thousands of other people don't? I know that's not the right frame of mind to be in, I really should be thinking "I am better then most, I do offer something new, fresh, zappy, buzzwords etc" But instead I sit around and do fuck all. I watch films and think "Oooh I'd like to write something like that." Will I? Doubt it. I've got a new idea of a girl aged about 15ish who grows up in 50's New York and her journey into "womanhood" Oh and she likes to do magic. Will I write it? Doubt it. Why not? Is it because I don't know what it is like to a 15 year old girl? Maybe....Is it because I wasn't born in the 50's? Possibly...Is it because that's as far as I've gotten with the story and that at the moment that is just a character and not any actual plot? Could be..

I find that I need something to aim towards. I want to be able to say I've done something with my life that other people may have taken notice of, instead of just slip through the cracks into the oblivion that is obscurity. I'm not saying I want super stardom, even knowing that people out there in the world (who aren't my mum or someone) is reading this. Words I've decided to put into a particular order to form what some people would loosely call a blog post. 

So hopefully watch this space. I know I keep saying I will write more blogs but honestly I do want to. They may not all be good but it's a way to get something out there. I may at times post excerpts of scripts I'm working on for feedback or just to show what I am up to. So hopefully I may see you in the new future. And speaking of futures, let's hope it's a good one.